BALOGUN MARK ZUCKERBERG OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Mark Zuckerberg! A name that inspires from just its resonance. A man who has worked and is working his way in success, I need not tell you about Facebook which is his brainchild, Instagram and WhatsApp which he acquired overtime and are topping their game with millions if not billions of users daily. To save me the stress of outlining Mark’s journey of success (for those who don’t know the complete story) I firmly recommend you see the movie SOCIAL MEDIA, a movie biographing his life from his college coding days.

With great joy more than the 16 million Facebook users (according to recent statistics) in Nigeria welcomed this genius who evidently snuck into the commercial state of the country- Lagos, Yaba precisely, the Nigerian Silicon Valley. From those who recognized him while walking the streets to the buzzing timelines on FB to trending at the top on TwitterNG. These are the kind of things we Nigerians like, one, two or more persons that see(s) our light at the end of the tunnel. With the issue of insecurity and economic recession, Mark decided to come to Nigeria unannounced. I suspect he settled for a discreet visit for these reasons:

1. To save his kidnappers the stress of strategizing to abduct him after which they have to go headlong with the US government over ransom and return.

2. Relieve the Nigerian government the expenditure of millions in purchasing a lengthy red carpet, flowers, decorated hall, traditional attires, item 7 and miscellaneous since our economy is in shambles.

After reading about the Andela project which started in New York and the Chan-Zuckerberg charity foundation I saw more of a genius in Mark. The $50-million-dollar scheme of which $24 million dollars would be invested in Africa would strike the beacon sky high glaring to everyone in Nigeria especially technological geniuses and professionals, learners and aspirants in the computer space, inspiring them to work harder and make gainful use of this opportunity. Myself, not much of a pro in the computer field but an aspiring software engineer, strong enthusiast and learner, his presence inspired me although I wasn’t present but having one amongst your mentors around you, a feeling of more-work-to-be-done and readiness envelops you to achieve your goals and keep achieving. In his Q&A segment he responded to a question saying he was truly inspired by what he saw at Co-Creation Hub (CC Hub), the energy, positivity all seemed great. In the words of Rueben Abati “Mark Zuckerberg’s exploration of the African market is brilliant. He is smart". I agree with this in all entirety because he sees that Nigerians/Africans are doing wonders not just in their country for reasons that he has several Nigerians working with him not only in Africa but at the Facebook HQ in San Francisco bay area, California. A thought must have bolted in that powerful head to visit the mother that produces such rare breed of persons. That’s how intelligent people think.

Technology already is at a fast pace in Nigeria, Mark visiting and investing in us would serve as a strong catalyst making our reaction faster than normal. An example is the just concluded Aso Villa Demo Day(AVDD), a program organized by the government to fund the 3 most initiative ICT entrepreneurs after showcasing their country-changing products to the President and other officiating dignitaries. I took a look at the samples of various materials by the participants and I must say, bravo! Great ideas. Intuitive minds. Marky graced the occasion with his immediate return from Kenya to witness not him alone, but with the government and the whole nation that young minds if given the opportunity would make the nation transcend to a better realm.

Surely, with this visit he has exposed not just Nigeria but the African technological side to the world. I would advise the world to be on the lookout for Africa because the youths are ready to work if the chance is given. Not only in the entrepreneurial aspects of technology-programming, content development, structuring and design but also in fashion, entertainment amongst others.

P.S

1. As Nigerians we must do what is necessary by sharing a piece of our identity with a foreigner especially an important one. Mark enjoyed our jollof rice spiced with enough orishirishis and testified to its awesomeness, he refused to compare it with any other’s not only because he was told but he tasted and affirmed that #NigerianJellof is lord over others.

2. Several of us clung to his affection for grey shirts, jeans and sneakers. A geek is dressed as such. Probably, the $56-billion-dollars worth is a simple man who sees clothes as trivial things. So make una free am, him wifey like am like that.

3. The tug of war on Twitter #KenyaVsNigeria has been hilarious. The struggle for the preferable country that would suit Mark and his business ideas. Remember! We are one Africa. Very important.

4. Mark not being received or met at first by at least the Information and Communication’s Ministry shouldn’t be much of a big deal because it was a solemn visit. To keep us quiet he finally did.

5. Finally, Buhari should up his selfie game by maybe having a 1-week selfie programme courtesy of the presidency.

Thank you Mark Zuckerberg on behalf of Nigerians and Africans in general, we make you Balogun, you deserve it. We hope for more visits not just from you but people of your kind- humble, kind-hearted and benevolent.

A TALE BY DAYLIGHT- GOOD BAD LUCK

Story! Story…? Story. Once upon a time...? Time. Time.

In a distant village. Green. A magnanimous one.

People of that village suffered very well and complained about the problems they encountered by yelling outrageously to their King via various mediums. This King was engaged in meeting up with his itinerary, traveling to other villages to visit other Kings and discuss important issues. His followers complained and called him a voyager, unknowing to his community that he was trying to help them.

After a while, it came to a point whereby the community was supposed to bring out its finest competitors to rival with other communities in a festival of various sports. Green village as it was popularly called was supposed to get prepared for this fest since 4 years back but they didn’t, part of which was her problem as a village. When the festival was drawing close the cabinet members unanimously; with quarrel and insults came with the finalists to represent the village.

This village was rich in invaluable resources. Gold topped the list. This was the needed for those representing. It stood as the medium of transaction for most activities.

Days before departure, red-cap-Chief Solo issued a message through Obute the town crier, that there was no gold for them at the moment.

 This message battered the hearts of those competing. They were advised to break their tincan boxes or meet friends for gold and travel to the hosting village and make the village proud by returning with accolades. In expectation that their merited gold would be made available and suffice at their return. In infuriation those selected held a meeting of the Representatives of Green (ROG) after deliberating concluded to go out on the streets and beg for funds. They went to the village square which housed the community’s market, hospital, school amongst other public structures.

Gina the ROG spokesperson spoke up – Help us get to the VillaFest. That’s all we desire.

With this they captured the people’s hearts and donations flew into the 6 x 6 wooden cube with a 5mm hole aligned to the middle which carpenter Okute carefully handcrafted. It got tense that those who relented in donating where looked at like the devil’s heartthrob who admired the village’s failure.

Still the gold gotten wasn’t sufficient.

When the news got to the cabinet, after much lambasting from the inhabitants, they denied at the monthly community meeting that neither the King nor His cabinet nor red-cap-chief Solo ever approved of such news.
                                                                                  *   *   *

Yup! The GSVI (Green Squad VI) got to the bordering village. A BIG one. Bigger than theirs. Via their little rickety boat which they managed by squeezing because managing has been their modus operandi. After passing the night at the United Community of Red, they were set to depart for the games village.

The boat became unmanageable and they sent word through the inter-village’s sparrow to the King to provide them one out of his eleven aesthetic boats. Instead of heeding and providing the demanded immediately, red-cap-chief Solo abruptly responded during the village meeting to the community by asking “what are there for?” That they went to the “United Community of Green” to enjoy themselves instead of being en route to the main village. That-that isn’t their concern.

Even Obikere, the son of wealthy Chief Otinkpu was accused of giving 30,000 worth of gold to help his squad survive which he debunked.

Dede, the King, as he was normally hailed, sent his words back encouraging them to apply what they knew. Manage. All the way to participate in the fest and come back with laurels in various categories.

From the outcry of Green participants, the UCR in benevolence lent a bigger comfortable boat to the squad and in joy the left. Aiding the Green squad, in mockery they nicknamed them BOATLESS VILLAGE and made laughing stocks of them.


On arrival at the Mutlicoloured village, 7 hours before the festival, according to the reading from the hourglass, they had little time to prepare before tugging with their opponents in the battle field.

As they stood in one accord, right hand to the left breast to chant alongside with the local orchestra who sang Blue village’s anthem instead of Green’s. It was annihilating.

In this downtrodden state the King's message resounded like the morning cry gong. Manage.

From all calamitous ends it seemed impossible to kick the ball at this point. Stress upon fatigue. Football being the first game. They proved otherwise and won with an outstanding 5-4 against White village. That didn’t seem enough they qualified for the rowing competition.

At this point of the story Green stands at a 1-0 win against the village of the Cross.

Chief Solo felt remorseful for those outrageous things he said and apologized with a bulky letter. Onwards gold came and he traveled to meet them and celebrate.

The game continues…

Children. Children? What did we learn from the story?

As a country we have adapted to soaring high despite turmoils headed our way. With back-lashing and all what not.

I see Nigeria our beloved country taking records of important medals copped in this Olympic Games.

Voila. Voili. Voilo.
Big ups Naija.
Olympic squad VI.
 



Credit: twitter, pulse ng.

A PLACE DOWN NORTH

Prologue: I sincerely apologize for not posting since November, I am sorry.

I pen this firstly to appreciate the patriotic nature of these people. Real country love. The three-coloured-flag waving high in every nook you go, from offices, schools (obviously), hostels, homes, hotels to even public bathrooms. Patriotism which is I see as quite a disrespect because for a country like Nigeria which has little national symbols and the flag partaking as one of it. Most especially, I respect them for the flag being clean.

The differences being experienced are drastic.

1. Commercial buses transporting passengers at an over-affordable price which is generic to all stops. For a Nigerian this is strange because your normal bus conductor won’t give you a normal charge as the person whom he carried from a terminal earlier. Let’s say he won’t charge a person who entered from Wuse 2 to Kubwa same as the person who entered in Jahi.

The little fare for using the tram, subways and trains, all moving at the speed of light is considered a blessing as one can get in even without a ticket and get to the desired place in minutes.

2.People are seen on the streets crossing what we know as ‘may roads’ at ease walking in front of a speeding car, the driver quickly applies brake for the pedestrians. Respect! With this acquainted behavior you surely will possess the phobia that you might walk freely to your death when you get to your country where you have to be an athlete when crossing the road.

3. In grocery stores and supermarkets the cashier discovers at the counter that your cash is incomplete after calculating your stocks and you are politely told to try and bring the balance tomorrow at your convenience, this is a trade center where the prior aim is to gain profit. An Igbo man who just got his provision store open would place an outstanding post on the wall of the shop’s entrance with bold fonts on an A3 paper saying “NO CREDIT, COME TOMORROW.” You begin to wonder what planet these people come from to trust money for goods purchased on the customer until the next day of which there is no surety of the customer coming back.

4. As an internet oriented person you are highly blessed to be here. From the mobile data which drops to unlimited 3G after the normal exhaustion of purchased data to wireless fidelities in schools for academic work and research to easily affordable routers in local distribution stores less the price by 2 for purchase and subscription in your country. The ‘internetic’ part of you is happy. No more network worries.

5. With the low fuel price you wish to own a car here maybe a Mercedes CLA 300. The constant electricity would make you have a shaky reconsideration to stay back after the purpose of your trip. Considering that when you return back to base you would miss all these goodies; with the fuel queues and ‘Up/down NEPAs.’

6. Plus sized people (especially guys) are seen floating around although less than the amount of bacteria, catching a breath to figure if it’s the sharwarmas, pizzas and poulets (roasted chickens) that causes this weight gain. Still at an affordable price you detest these small chops to your much loved akpu, amala, eba and the likes of them. This is the point where you miss the taste of naija; you are basically confined to rice (the world most popular food), beans, macaroni, spaghetti, and couscous. No morning akara and night suya and grilled fish. You search for a Nigerian kitchen and find none; you wish you can begin one.

7. You bet you must have seen a handful of mad people in your country but not here; you are just beginning when you get here, the number keeps multiplying to an extent where you loose count. They are in numbers; they increase day by day that you would think they are prophets spreading the unknown message. Prophets dressed in thicker Yeezys, geeky mad men with technological tools. You don’t know how to start laughing, when you start you don’t know how to end.

8. At this point it feels more like this and all others coming after are things you don’t like especially seeing a guy being too close to his fellow guy, that not being enough they peck: right cheek, left cheek, that not enough they go on a marathon peck of up to 6 rounds. The bond existing between them seems more than metallic with the strange man-man hugs and touches you wonder the use of their women occupying 70% of the human population and beautiful at that.

9. Moving on the streets you get infuriated seeing young boys with elongated mouths from the packaged weed wrapped in their mouths which after much debate with people who don’t know the country better than you do concludes its legal for sake that it’s sold in shops. All these old flip up phones of 2000’s are still used here, you wonder if this place is a dump site for such phones. Considering how affordable life is here.

You walk to the barber shop for your hair cut and he swerves from given instructions putting your looks in shambles, with a poker face you grumbly pay and head to the tailor to adjust your trouser, with all the attitude he gives, he collects it and inscribes a-3-digit number (your pay) and a name on a paper he says “à demain (tomorrow)” with all plea and reason why you need it today he refuses and says Q.E.D.

P.S: After all, home still remains home. There is no place like it because the love abounds the more there.

THE BISHOP'S REPLY

Read the sequel to this story HERE


Dear Adrian Danbaba,

Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in whom all things are made perfect. I pray that his unceasing grace would exude in you and your faith in him would remain unshaking.

In reply to your letter seeking judgement and intervention which I stumbled upon recently, I write to you.

I wish to appreciate your contributive efforts firstly to the church. Multi- tasking between building your faith in Christ and taking weekly record of donations, offerings and thanksgiving, balanced calculations with figures. Being in your situation I would have done something akin. I must commend you; as the growth of the church has room in your heart.

Funds generated from the whole bazaar offerings, donations, seed sowings, thanksgivings, bazaar purchases and sponsorship are sent to me on the percentage level-75. The parish is left with little or nothing-25%. Money collected is sent to the Holy See, to our Vicar, our father in faith, the Pope and financial report is given to him during bishop’s annual visit to the Vatican. It is used for Catholic mission to support the less privileged worldwide.

Within the 75% fund, vocations are catered for. The archdiocesan seminarians are being trained as property of the archdiocese –fees, boarding, feeding, tuition is being paid for by the archdiocese leaving them to buy their books. A seminarian is important to us as he comes out a priest to contribute immensely to the growth of the church.

Nota Bene: this money is collected from all parishes. The deanery brings it as a head, presenting the target given and target met.

Catholic students are trained in our various universities – Caritas, Veritas. If information was passed in your parish, scholarships are on for Catholic students at the Veritas university. Caritas means love and that is what the church has for its body- you and I. The training of these students is linked to the 75%. These are few things which the collections are used by the archdiocese for.


Liturgy which is the priestly office of Jesus Christ consisting of the head (Jesus) and its body (the church) follows a pattern which cannot be broken. There is no obstruction in the liturgical process. Reasons why the Roman Catholic Church is the second world most organized body.

Obstructing the church’s pattern was barbaric. The indefinite ex-communication incurred resulted from misconduct and temperament of your parish priest. Issues about your ex-communication would be discussed and pardon would granted you. Presenting your record overtly was OK but would have been done with the P.P’s permission as he has jurisdiction in the parish where he oversees affairs.

With a good financial skill I postulate that you render assistance to the church through the parish pastorial council to work as the parish treasurer. I have certitude that with you the parish is in safe hands financially.

May the blessings of the Lord Jesus Christ dwell and remain in you forever and ever Amen.


Your Bishop,

His Lordship Otinkpu Bonaventure.

HOW I REACT TO THE BUTT ISSUE

This issue has to be addressed and necessary actions taken against the perpetrators, immediately after reading this piece. I have never liked gays and acts relating to it. This negative trend has annoyed me to the zenith that I feel awareness should be created and preventive measures taken to stop this.

The Igbo men salute themselves with the back of their hands hitting each other three times. The Hausas; a formal handshake, the Yourbas; the popular protruding on the floor. This culture, tradition still exists to the modern world.

A man who is considered a Sir/Bros after a proper handshake, laughs loud while chatting with you, hit/taps your butt with his Goliath-like hand and thinks all is well in the end. I consider it inept. It makes me look at such persons as gays or they simply gain satisfaction from that act. They are tactless. I wonder the amount of temerity they possess to hit their fellow guy’s butt. Is it as attractive as that of a female? How many milligrams of adrenaline pushes him into that action?

Most annoying is the continuous hit in future meetings. Same sex friendship is meant to be cordial without sending a wrong signal to the other party. An aspersion is not what one would want.

To stop this daft act of public funny friendly sexual molestation; use this steps:

1. After the initial handshake, keep hold to his hand, keep guard of your back side lest the prey strikes.

2. If he strikes; grab him by the arm so tight with your poker face, look him deep in the eyes and say "Sir/Bros, do me a favour please gerrara here."

I DECLARE MY ASSETS

I plan to be big someday. Even if I don’t become the president, I believe I am the future of tomorrow as talked by my primary school teachers. If I end up as the minister of petroleum resources, I will just manage it. Before I rise to that apogee in the nearest, it is wise that I declare my humble beginnings now to avoid side comments and trends on twitter in time to come about my possession.

Following the recent declaration by Baba, I feel that I have to declare my own assets because I consider myself a public figure owing that I am CEO of TalkofTalks. We have to emulate good things like this. Let’s begin from here.

Here is a detailed list of my assets.

1. My Books- #30,000

Excluding those that I lent and gifted out over a long time till now and including those I borrowed that am yet to read and those I borrowed that am yet to read and those which I converted disobeying the 9th commandment. Lord forgive me.

2.My Bat and Power Bank- #50,000

My bat is my Blackberry Z10. The name is derived from the processor speed it possesses. It helps me get my source materials to prepare articles, its Text-To-Speech (TTS) helps me read a lot of articles, my mails and transactions are processed specially by “him.” I love you Bat. I really do.

3. My Eco Bank Account- #1,250

This is my ledger balance. The bank is fist handed with my own money reason why there is still a thousand among the digits. I hope that this amount increases over the month from those little calculated percentages dropped into the customer’s account.
Hurray! As of when this article was written I got an alert. God win. So, total balance becomes #7,750.

4. Shoes- #34,700

I know that my shoe collection is way less than a pair of shoe (some(few)) like an Italian Skin Brogue. Not to worry, this asset increases by my earning. I hope to acquire more shoes like a Timberland Earthkeeper Brogues, Balenciagas, 2015 Air Jordans, Clarks, Tods, customized slip-on shoe amongst others. So that as a minister I would have a good shoe rack/wardrobe.

5. Art Works- #50,000

Yes! For those who don’t know, I draw. Animations, portraits, cartoons and sorts. Some of my works are on Instagram @deksmond, click here to view. All works posted and unposted is worth that amount. Click and testify.

6. Blog- #Unknown

This is a forte to me. I am yet to value the site and give a figure of its worth. I would value the articles, fans and visitors, aesthetics. When I come up with the actual value I would give an update. If the valuing gets tedious, I hope to get a site valuer.

Presently, no goats, rams, bulls, poultry, farm or company(ies)


Finally, I can’t give a total sum now because if I do, my oga at the top might bless me with more, then my head would jam trying to balance figures. That’s all.

My dear friends, members of TalkofTalks, this are my humble possessions. We hope to acquire more in time to come. Stay tuned.

SYNONYMS

Contracts are big deals in Nigeria, especially the government approved ones, because it favours both sides- the Contractor and the Contracted.

- The Contractor

This is the body giving out the contract for bidders to submit proposals to get the contract; they are the highest earners. They make the budget allocated for the contract and the actual amount used for execution to look alike. They are good mathematicians.

- The Contracted

The receiving body. They are the executioners, whom after the hustle and bustle of preparing a fine convincing proposal receives the contract. They are medium earners. Each contract gets them elated because it paves way for more contracts. They are smart people.

It is not good to visit the past- people, happenings or things, because I believe in the “forward ever backward never” slogan of my Governor Mu’azu Babangida Aliyu. But, in this case, we have to go backward before we thrust forward.

Lagos State is known to be an independent economy in Nigeria; its rapid development has drawn laudable commendation from so many people, of which all acknowledgements go to Babatunde Raji Fashola(BRF), the former Lagos State Governor. These developments include roads, power and energy, health care and other amenities.

The 11th hour always poses a threat caused either by you or haters of your progress; this is Governor Fashola’s situation.


It was alledged that the former Governor of Lagos State, used seventy-eight million naira (N78m) and one-hundred and thirty-nine million naira (N139m) out of the budget allocated to the State to build a website and to drill two boreholes respectively. Let me start with the website- tundefashola.com, Fashola is a digital man. Men like him can speed the rate of digital advancement in the country if given the presidential position come 2019. Let me explain-

-The site amongst other features contains an online video chat feature, to discuss with the ex-governor. Nigerians need anything that will give them a clear view of the government. It would serve as a transparent mechanism for the citizens to defend the government if criticised by foreigners.

-Past, present and future projects detailed to the last are available for visitors to read and appreciate his works. This is a great amount of transparency. Nigerians in diaspora and home base citizens that don’t reside in Lagos won't be left out, as they would also see pictures and appreciate his efforts.

What bothers me, Lagosians and other Nigerians is the amount allocated among the past projects for building the website. Seventy-eight million naira (N78m). Lets observe seventy eight seconds of silence. According to Info Access Plus, the company which built and upgraded the website, gave a financial statement that the amount collected for the services rendered was ten million naira (N10m) which implies that sixty eight million naira (N68m) is left or is tagged as “extra expenditure.” The website was built by expert designers and I figured that it wouldn’t have amounted more than twenty million (20m). It means that that 68 million has been used to build websites in their pockets and stomachs.

Why would a website meant for the state bear a private name? Although, the site is meant to serve as a medium to show his stewardship to his state, I think it is suppose to carry a general URL so he can handover to Governor Akinwumi Ambode one day to enable the Governor to also display his own stewardship which is in progress. The URL tundefashola.com makes me to think that the name Lagos and Tunde Fashola are similar either in meaning, phonetic sound or history. The Governor must have thought it over before approving the URL. Fashola is a wise man; it takes a wise man to do wise things like equating your name to the state’s name.

Boreholes are long lasting, very expensive to drill and maintain. I believe the money was well spent.

The present Lagos government should try to reconcile some things as part of their year’s project-

1. 78, 68 and 10 million naira should be carefully calculated and the balance should be used to appreciate the citizens. Airtime vouchers should be sent to frequent visitors of the site, humanitarian services should be appreciated from the website’s balance.

2. Historians should be employed to look into the history and relationship between the name Lagos and Tunde Fashola, as it would serve as a determinant to why such permission was granted.

I hope this website serves its purpose and the boreholes pump fresh water. Peace.