A 4-DAY VISIT

Firstly, let me express my likeness for President Muhammadu Buhari. I like tourist because am one, people of like nature are known to have affinity for themselves. I foresee more travels within this four years of his tenure and l would like to see his itinerary because God works in mysterious ways, bumping into the President in one of the countries across the waters would be a thing of great joy.

President Muhammadu Buhari’s visit to USA as supposed was for a 4-day visit particularly to seek help in recovering our missing 150 billion dollars from an unknown forest reserve. I wonder how the money would be recovered knowing that Nigerian looters knows how the cover their ends. Would it be through the help of their CIA computer nerds working speedily with computer systems or through the aid of any other intelligence agency or a related body involved in recovery. Baba is a wise man. I appreciate his sense of embracing the modern approach of handling situations, this is why he went to seek help from the U.S.

Now, we know that Africans have a way of granting or making promises of what/things they can’t fulfill. The African pattern is-

1.       Praise

2.       Promise

3.       Help a little

4.       Give excuses

5.       Withdraw

Permit me to explain this pattern.

PRAISE

-          A typical African man who wants to grant or seek a favour would praise you for a while before moving forward to the matter of importance for two reasons-

i.                     To calm your nerves of suspicion

ii.                   To bring in sentiments

If a favour is to be granted the praise given must be for something in return. Sooner or later. That is why President Barrack Obama described Nigeria as the most important and influential country in Sub-Saharan continent. President Obama is a wise African.

PROMISE

Forget the proverb that ‘an unfulfilled promise is a sin’ in Nigeria it doesn’t work that way, remember when your father always promised you a bicycle if you came top in class at the end of the academic term? After hard work to come first, the promise is not fulfilled and the same promise is made next term. Promises are made to show the ‘promisee’ that the ‘promiser’ is most concerned about his/their needs than theirs. President Obama promised to recover the missing funds, added to that to recover looted assets, bring to a halt the escapades of book haram, and to boost the Nigerian military. This is a complete promise- one which must cover the main need and sundry.

HELP A LITTLE

Fulfilling a promise no matter how small the fulfillment might be tells a lot. Its shows seriousness and ability to honour your word. This was the case during President Goodluck Jonathan’s regime where America promised to rescue the missing Chibok school girls. They helped a little by using the drone craft to carry out surveillance in Sambisa forest. The rest is a long story. This little help was still rendered by an African- Obama.

GIVE EXCUSES

Sometimes is just an excuse, other times it’s a chain of excuses. When America was unable to fulfill the full promise they gave excuses how top Nigerians stood in the way of rescuing the Chibok girls and lots more. Excuses are part of some human’s nature to evade the chagrin from the person(s) we want to please.

WITHDRAW

Those in charge of ensuring that the assistance is being rendered begin to withdraw from carrying out their duty and at a snap of a finger all the foreign aid return to their motherland. At the end of everything they make it seem like and unplanned promise which slipped their mouth.

 We do know that Nigeria is the King Kong of Africa(mind you in Africa apes are kings to lions) and if America decides to aid Nigeria, Nigeria would aid them too. Directly or indirectly.

The first thought which comes to mind is the Gay legalization which president Buhari has clearly refused by re-enacting the gay bill of 14years imprisonment. I knew that PMB would not accept the gay legalization act for reasons that he is disciplined and a conc. Muslim. Femi Adesina said that PMB was ‘pointblank’ saying that sodomy is against Nigerian law.

Being pointblank. President Buhari is forward and he has made this known to President Obama and his citizens. I like the way he does it(the pointblank moment)- sits clamly, grins with his cycle-like nerd glasses and spill the words.

I appreciate this effort made by our President. I hope the funds are recovered and ‘corruptionists’ are prosecuted and other stolen money are recovered too. If America wants to help do this, it has to be done in an African-American way.

PS- the way President Buhari was speaking fast and fluently while he was articulating his speech needs a laudable commendation and I give it to him. He truly understands that ‘if you are in Rome, you behave like a Roman.’

30 MINUTES OF MISBEHAVIOUR

Let me begin with a definition for purpose of clarification. A period of misbehaviour is a reversed sensible period where abnormal (at that moment) seems like the legal and only accepted way of behaving. These cycle of misbehaviour occurs either in group or individually. These abnormalities would be treated squarely. Group misbehaviour is initiated when participants have similar reverse mental reaction; the individual type, very exciting, it is enjoyable and it sometimes give an impulse to capture the moment, but for the sake of privacy the impulse is defiled.

The feeling doesn’t bring in age- young or old, small or big, everyone is involved. it is contagious based on the group stage.

As a child, I grew up with the mentality that parent in general had no flaws. A perfect life without any anomaly. Watching 9pm news with my dad at the age of 7, I heard a sound from where dad sat and questioned him about the sound, he said that it was a croaking sound from a toad inside the sofa. I believed him hook, line and sinker. At that point he was misbehaving in public. At a later time I realised that he was misbehaving so I said to myself "if dad could do such who am I?"

One general form of misbehaviour- Picking the nose. In public it is a soft pick; in private you pick as if you are a miner digging for gold, which eventually causes nasal expansion. The dismal part of this aspect is, some people create a cataclysm to their public status. How? In church I once saw a guy whom during the readings picked his nose, used same index finger to scratch inside his ear, thereby transferring germs to both organs simultaneously. So disgusting! But it didn’t seem so to him, it was the ‘rightest’ thing to do at that period.

The group misbehaviour is triggered by the kingpins of the group who makes every other member to see sense in the abnormal behaviour. This act is normally disastrous, sometimes mob action, gang robbery, gang rape, it makes them proud, making  them feel that they can express themselves behaviourally in a free way, not minding the place. When I was a JSS3 boarding student, SS2 students exhibited this group psychology of madness by nabbing twelve pots of food, one for each of soldier. After consumption, they slept like masons that had a long burdensome day. They woke up the next day to huge bills handed to them by the principal, to pay for the delinquency which affected other students.

Misbehaviour makes one feel free and happy, although not always. It makes one feel at home even when not at home. Mental balance sometimes has to go down on the equilibrium scale, for imbalance to be up to show one the abnormal side of normality.

N.B- Misbehaving within thirty minutes might not take place at a stretch, but the amount of time must be completed irrespective of the interval before completion.

MY 2015 HAJJ

Hajj, one of the greatest Islamic religious observance for Muslims all over the world, which comes up annually is here again. As usual Nigerian Muslims would surely be participating in this year’s hajj, and as we know ‘awoof dey run belle;’ that is when you frequently enjoy the awoof. It seems this year the Nigerian government wants to put sand-sand in the garri of the Islamic faithfuls going on pilgrimage.

Trending on twitter in Nigeria two days back was #NoToOldPlanes4Hajj, where users aired their views about the ‘suspected’ plane which would be used to fly pilgrims to mecca in Saudi Arabia.

This annual pilgrimage which I haven’t been a participant but happen to know that it is sponsored at the three governmental levels- federal, state and local government. As Nigerians we are supposed to be wise enough to know that there is nothing like a free lunch, even if there is, an indirect payment will be made sooner or later. Same thing as this boon granted by the Nigerian government, a free flight ticket equals more than a decade old scrubby plane as long as it can push its passengers to Saudi.

On the side of the pilgrims, that should be changed for so many reasons-

I. This may not sound nice, but a plane crash is the foremost negative thought that comes to mind in matters like this; God forbid that a plane crash occurs. We would like to see our Alhajis in their neatly ironed and starched white kaftan, palm slippers and hula, Hajiyas with their beautiful wrappers, bubas, hijab and dangling jewelries. Our yaras too are inclusive- the boys have to be available to show off their oversize polo, packet shirts and T-shirts to match with their Cabo-Snoop like trouser; the girls need to look religiously good with their hijab and laali on their hands and feet.

II. Within this thirty days of 5am-6pm fasting and prayer, you won’t want to be inside a stuffed plane filled with loquacious people talking about diversified issues, which might end up making you nauseous. Surely our government won’t want to land sick persons into a foreign country.

III. A good flight sometimes determines the outcome of things in the country you are flying to. We do not want a situation where Nigerian would be misrepresented abroad while on pilgrimage, thereby making headlines on every Newspaper, electronic and broadcast media worldwide; like- A NIGERIAN FOUND IN SAUDI ARABIA RUNNING NAKED. That would be a national and religious disgrace.

The government should look into this situation and handle it aptly, if not for any reason to, protect her citizens and give them a wonderful hajj.

With Desmond’s law of pilgrimage I leave the stage- provided that the individual and national status is kept constant in a country of frequent travel daily, monthly or annually. The amount of travellers must be directly proportional to a standard aircraft and the amount of planes must be inversely proportional to the amount of travellers.

MY CONCERN FOR THE DEVIL

Firstly, I would like to capitalize the first alphabet of his first name, popularly known as Devil. His angelic name Lucifer would be less used. Secondly, I am not in any way a Satanist or as some people may call it ‘satanoid.’ I feel very concerned about a disturbing issue, which is tarnishing an albeit less-loved creature that is popularly known as a demoniac that is entitled to his human right. That is where I come in place to defend his ‘reputation, dignity and human right.’

The infamy heaped upon the devil is over-exaggerated. Christians call him the ‘accuser of brethren,’ which is true but he is made more like the ‘causative agent’ of all sins, crimes and ungodly activities. 'The devil made me do it, it’s the devil, it is the handiwork of the devil, the devil suppressed me;' these are the false accusations Lucifer faces from the mouth of brethrens. I begin to wonder if the devils now exist in flesh and blood, either as male or female with or without a pair of horn, dark or fair in complexion.

A man is seen driving his official car at the speed of 220kilometers per hour on a single lane road; he collides with another car, and after recovery when questioned by the administrative department of his company about the cause of the collision, He begins to accuse the devil. Was the devil in charge of the throttle, break pad and clutch while he (the driver) was in charge of the steering and hand gear?

Before the libel (a vocal one) is placed on the devil, the following should have been thoroughly screened before staining his name and degrading his reputation; because degrading an evil person may result in evil.

· Urge

Popularly known as desire. The driving force attached to desire is more than a million Newtons, the devil doesn’t plant the urge seed and nurture it into execution. It comes from colours accommodated into the eyes, thoughts from the head, desires of the heart and the state of mind. When the urge sets in, which is the first and fundamental necessity for any form of malevolence, gratification begins at its first stage.

· Plan

A smart evil doer knows that failure to plan is equal to planning to fail; reason why the devil receives the accusations and blame once they are rounded up. The desire is structured for effective execution using a powerful internal application- the brain. This plan is designed so professionally without the devil’s consent that when he (Lucifer) sees the result he would marvel.

N.B: as all these go on the devil is absent. His consent wasn’t sort nor did he try to put in his hands to render help.

· Decision

The case gets settled at this level. God gave man the ability to choose between right and wrong without placing the Devil in any position of partaking in the choice process, the decision is made wholeheartedly and allegations is pushed to the Devil. What a pity!

· Execution and Result

Just like the computer program or a task is executed, this malevolent act is given a ‘run command’ which is carried out and a positive-negative output is seen. This is where the Devil’s name and consent is brought in after being absent all through. Why is he involved in the last stage only? Is he a co-executioner?

Thou should not call the name of the evil one in vain. The Devil’s name should be respected despite his evil nature; some happenings are not Devil oriented. An appropriate amount of obeisance should be given to this creature without sentiments.

I belong to everybody.

One love.

JE SUIS CAITLYN

I want to begin using my personal J(for judgement) from an African angle, more like the way a typical Nigerian woman would judge a related a case. When a man does somethings, he is considered behaving like a woman or less a man, which is not accepted in the Nigerian setting where a man is seen as a Demi-God and the women as members of purgatory. This mentality tries to keep every Nigerian Man in proper sense shape.

The Kardashian lovers and the ‘keeping up with the Kardashian’ fans would be giving a yay or nay to Caitlyn Jenner; for those that watched the early series of KUWTK programme where Bruce Jenner(formerly) began to stare in, would diagnose that dust of a reasonable amount was resting on his motherboard. He began by using quite a huge sum of money to purchase toys, especially remote controlled helicopters with motors that enabled it fly, Kris was against this and took a step by seizing his credit cards. I do not blame him much for this display of attitude for two reasons-

1. Sometimes one needs to be abnormal in behavior, what I call the ‘’period of misbehavior’’; breaking from the norm to ease some burden or calm some nerves, or trying to feel young once again.

2. Maybe Caitlyn watched a repeat broadcast of an African documentary which contained scenes of black bare chested children flying kites in the air. Some behaviors have a captivating force.

There’s an Igbo saying that ‘okwu nee gbuto okwu’ which translates thus ‘’talk begets talk.’’ He, sorry she I mean, advanced from toys to serious toys by hoarding lingeries of a female family members i.e Kim.

I respect human rights personally. They have been much cases of transgender without much noise, maybe because the most famous athlete in the ‘90’s to win a gold medal in a cardiovascular event, decided to retire and take up womanhood. Although he has a feminine look but still possess the soul of a man; talking as an animist. He stands out as one of the most famous transgender trending on twitter and website searches, also getting a million twitter followers in four hours, awards are awaiting her and commendations are coming in too. Caitlyn looks good from my perspective, judging from the storm-causing cover shot for Vanity Fair Magazine.

Questions run through my mind on his behalf

- Would she be a mummy?

- Would she be able to handle pregnancy? If yes can he stand 57del of pain in the labour room?

- Would his grandkids call her grandma or stick to grandpa?

- Those who support him especially the family relatives, is the support 100% genuine from the heart?

I believe that everyone has the power of choice, without bringing religion. She has chosen her path and she should be permitted to live her life because the miracle/damage has taken effect. Anger would only rise, some faces would beam with supportive smiles, mouths would talk and get weak but it still comes to the factum that he is now a she.

Call her Caitlyn.

She is Caitlyn.

MAY 27TH'S CHILDREN

On this 7meters high pulpit I stand to say ‘congratulobia’ to all children in Nigeria, Africa and beyond. Children, are most important as we all know that they are the future leaders of tomorrow and Christ made them the criterion for entering his kingdom. All humans are classified as children irrespective of age, as long as they have/had parents above them; so this is a general celebration.

The global age has come to conquer my time; the 90's. In the 90's two empty tins of tomato paste were slit open at one base and a lengthy rope was used to transmit sound waves across a distance, without fore knowledge of what physics was. Back in the days no child had time to watch television broadcast of cartoons and sorts, abandonment of what made children, children. Children engaged in various exciting plays like chinko, ten-ten, kpakpangolo, tyre riding, boriz and moonlight play with other children. All these had a positive impact and wrote a history book of itself in the brain of every child, to tell the children of the present generation. These engagements fostered good relationship among children and enabled kids to fit into new environments.

The children of today are packaged Nigerian children (although some), who do not know or lack basic children ‘playtitude’ and habit. All hours of the clock are spent behind closed doors of their houses, glued to the screen enthusiastically watching movie censored above their age, surfing the net for who knows what, playing Sony playstation and Xbox games. It is so appalling to see Nigerian children unable to speak the basics of 'pidgin' language in a definite proportion in order to communicate with English allergics or illiterates.

Parents play a great role in child upbringing as they too engaged in childish escapade. In this vain, plans have been strategized to restore the lost children values.

The plans:

· A rendezvous for parents would be organized for sensitization and restoration of children values. Rice and Stew would be Very Plenty for participants. This meeting would help parents reminisce about their time and see how they would ensure that their own children have a story to tell and an unspoken expression of smile when they remember. Laws would be enacted on that day and failure to adhere would incur public flogging.

· Every Nigerian state has a government owned school in various cities, with a large hectare of land as the school field, not just for soccer but for playful activities and exercise. Children should be permitted to make use of this field. I oblige parents to grant their children the liberty of association and movement. Their 'horarium' should be adjusted with playtime included after siesta, and assignments time at the field.

N.B- no parent should resist this wave of change being tried to be instilled in their children.

Area, zonal, regional and state competitions would be organized based on local play to improve Nigerian ethics, as this would go a long way. Monetary prizes and awards would be given to winners and participants. This competition would kick start on October 1st, 2015 and become continuous on every significant day in the nations calendar.

I remember all children over the globe suffering either from crisis, poverty, emotional trauma amongst others. My heart goes out to you. I pray and hope that all things will get better.

A proper value for our children equals a proper value for the future.

God bless.

Thank you.

AN ARTICLE TO 12/12/12

I chose this day 15/05/15 to send you this memo because I feel that the numerical rhyming is a bit systematic. I miss you 12/12/12; I really do. I sat down properly sliding past days, weeks, months and years on my phone’s calendar to check when such a unique day in the continuum of time would occur again. As I perused I discovered that this auspicious day is 88 years yet unborn, it will occur on January 1st , 2101 which would be 01/01/01. A new year day coupled with joy and uniqueness I do not descend from the lineage of Methuselah and God promised just 75 years, coupled with my present age to 75, how do I get to experience you again? I am a sanguine but I like to be factual not hoping against hope. The probability of me seeing you once again at that stage of life is 1:100(clearly impossible). I would not want to bother my children, family and relatives to take care of a weak old man; therefore I shall experience you in heaven.

The 12th seconds, 12th minute, 12th hour of 12th (December) 2012 was the last of its kind, were all numerals in my calendar were the same, I was optimistic. I prepared for that day like the second coming of Christ, I designed a mobile picture to mark the day on my social media pages, observed my daily lengthy siesta on the afternoon of that day, all in preparation. The world time zones are not the same so I became friendlier to my radio and I used BBC Nigeria’s time. I mapped out that at that instance of time I would be standing in front of my hostel door facing North under the brightly shinning moon and make a wish. I discovered that I was not the only numerical minded fellow of the day, other students too were enthusiastic, many boyfriends planned to engage their wife-to-be, engaged couples planned to hold their weddings, expectant parents hoped to deliver their baby all on this day. I was mine minded, so I waited.

That moment! Filled with unseen smiles I concluded my wish at the 12th seconds-12th minute-12th hour of the 12th month-12th year in the 21st century added to that a wishing star flashed, carried my wish and move at the speed of light. I made another wish just after midday because the time arrangement was a di-occurance. My both wishes came to pass as expected and I am a proud beneficiary of that everlasting day’s gift, I hold in strong belief that those who joined me in honouring that day received his/her/their wage(s). My wishes came to pass because I did not take 12-12-12 12:12:12 as a fun fact but as actual as it was. The number 12 has many significant meanings such as the 12 apostles of Jesus Christ, the 12 tribes of Judea, 12 gods of Olympus, most common is the 12 hours on the face of a modern crystal quartz clock in which all activities( good or bad, fruitful or not) takes place. The Mayans prophesied that the 12th would be the ‘end of the world’ but it marked the beginning of blessings.

I thank you '12.' I really appreciate all that you have done, I hope to see your next descendant in 88 years to come which I would probably not see. But I promise that as days, weeks, months, and years run after another, your significance would be passed on into the ears of all generations; alive and yet to be born.

Thank you. Until we see again.